Open relationships are frowned upon; society tells us that a relationship is between two people. The rules of marriage are that you are to be with your spouse and your spouse ONLY. But that has never stopped people from having extra marital affairs. Both women and men are guilty of stepping out on their significant others, and in some countries it’s even a part of their culture for men in particular to have multiple wives. Go figure, the men are the ones that always seem to get the better end of the stick.
Within the last few years I’ve encountered several married couples that are married but not really married. Surprisingly many of these couples have some sort of partnership, almost roommate type of dynamic going on. They live in the same household, spend birthdays and holidays together but they don’t sleep in the same bed, nor do they show any physical affection let alone exchange I love You’s. Now this may sound absurd to anyone that hears this because it’s simply not the way we were programmed to interact with our significant others. But what if I told you this dynamic worked for certain marriages? What if it’s this modern set of rules that has kept many couples “happily married” for years and years?
There are many reasons why your husband may become your roommate, and it’s nobody’s place or business to place judgment on you for partaking in such relationship. I’m going to share a particular couples story because it was eye opening to hear such drastic points of views other than what I personally believe in but I think it’s important that we as women support one another, even when we don’t necessarily agree with their decisions.
A man in his mid-30’s runs a very successful business, his job requires that he be a social butterfly who constantly has to travel and make appearances. He meets a woman who turns out to be a really good friend in the long run and in due time he begins to have desires for a family. He doesn’t want to date around and waste time because he knows that he’s ready for a wife and kids. So he marries his long time friend, it makes sense to him. She’s an amazing woman, beautiful, caring and his family loves her. They marry and shortly after have a beautiful baby boy. On the outside they are the epitome of a “perfect family” but the reality of it is that he talks to other women, dates other women and even has designated ladies for public appearances. I know…WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON?
When I asked him why he was even married if what he really wanted was to date around this was his response:
“I love my wife, she’s an amazing friend, mother and woman. But there is no passion in our relationship, there never really was. I was just at a point where I knew I wanted to settle down and have a family. We complement each other very well and she knows that at the end of the day it’s always going to be her and I. At the same time, I have desires and interests that she simply can’t fulfill, and I’m not simply referring to sexual matters. My job requires that I party and network; she’s simply not that type of woman who likes taking part in those functions. Our partnership although different and non-traditional has worked for us so far and I don’t think it’s anyone’s duty to try and understand it. We don’t seek approval from any outsiders.”
I didn’t know what to make of this because as a romantic that I am and a feminist, well it was simply heartbreaking to wrap my head around this concept he had described. I battled with inner feelings, negative feelings towards his wife. Asking myself why she would ever submit herself to this kind of marriage? It wasn’t until I reminded myself of what I’ve always known to be true; WE ALL WANT TO BE LOVED! This woman found her best friend, a man who is a great support system, an amazing father and someone who will always be there for her regardless. Now whether or not she is entirely happy with knowing he talks to other women is another conversation. For now I simply want to leave you with the seed of “What If”. What if what works for you goes against everything society has ever made you believe was the correct way to do it? Would you stand your ground and choose to do what is best for your marriage? Even when the people around you think you’re you’ve lost your mind…